December 31, 2008
December 22, 2008
Note: If you're only hearing the audio over a black screen, try refreshing the page. I have no idea why that's happening, but so far refreshing is the only thing that seems to fix it. Sorry.
December 15, 2008
*playful slap on the ass to hide the tears*
December 10, 2008
December 8, 2008
December 4, 2008
My friends, we approach such a milestone. In fact, according to 2007 Michael and Abe, the reaching of 3,000 subscribers to our Youtube channel officially makes us "big beans." But still, something is missing. For there are certain important steps that must take place before our comedic testes can truly be considered to have descended.
And the step before us today is this:
We need a Wikipedia entry.
We had one in the past. Oh, it was glorious, filled with unreliable citations and glittering typos as far as the mouse could scroll (which was about a page and a half, mostly white space). But we were young and foolish; our star rose too quickly, and was burned by the sun, creating some kind of double star that then got taken off of Wikipedia.
The reason for our downfall? Not enough citations. Apparently, if no one mentions you, you don't exist.
Well, we've been kicking out the jams for over a year now, and people are talking:
We've been written up at Tilzy TV, The San Diego Union-Tribune, and the Cal Poly Mustang.
We've been interviewed on Veoh and featured on G4.
We placed in the Youtube Sketchies 2 Competition, in the Filmclick Online Film Festival, and are recognized as an official sketch troupe by College Humor and Youtube.
We've been Dugg, blogged, McSweeny'd and Yankee Pot Roasted.
The point is, if awesome troupes like Tremendosaur and Barats and Bereta (both of whom we love oodles) warrant not only a Wikipedia entry, but official inclusion on Wikipedia's list of sketch comedy troops, do not we merit the same deference?
As writing a Wikipedia article about myself is JUST out of my vanity range, I've decided to turn to our beloved fans for help (apparently begging for others to write a Wikipedia article about me is well within said vanity range).
So who will step up to the challenge? What individual (or group of collaborative individuals, as per Wikipedia's basic function) will pluck our comedic flower and usher us into adulthood?
I've provided all the citation information you need to make it stick, and I'm available to answer any questions you might have about the troupe or Abe's penis size (I'll just save us both some time right now and say "nub.") Who's got the gumption? Who's got the chutzpah? Who's got a few hours to kill?
We await the lusty touch of your typing hands.
December 1, 2008
November 20, 2008
And, here's the longer, but lower quality version of that same segment, to be used in case the G4 site ever takes down the above video. That's right: we care so much about this minor achievement we've installed redundancy systems to make sure it will never be forgotten.
November 19, 2008
November 7, 2008
November 6, 2008
In order to protect the innocence of the American public, I’ve taken it upon myself to make McCain’s concession speech as vitriolic and hate-filled as the months leading up to it were. Do us both a favor, and watch this video over and over until it has supplanted all memories of the actual speech.
October 29, 2008
October 28, 2008
Check the bigger version here. Digg here.
October 22, 2008
October 16, 2008
October 15, 2008
And before you start faxing me hate mail (I don't even know why I keep that fax around), rest assured I'll be doing a similar piece on Obama's nutzo supporters in about a week and a half here. I'll keep you posted.
October 14, 2008
Episode 1 just went up despite being too long and having green screen bleed, and it looks a lot like this (to view a bigger version, click here):
October 5, 2008
Though none of us canst 'scape that black-draped cart
That slowly draws us towards our dying bed,
Alack, poor Will, of timeless skill and art
Has kept his wits but lost his very head!
Upon his severed baldpate dully gleams,
Reflected twixt his rooted tufts of hair,
A scene of child-like monsters held by seams;
Felt hands that grasp, glass eyes to weep and stare.
Of these young babes, who 'mongst us could have thought
That they wouldst have the hearts to maim and kill?
While Nanny worked to wash out some damned spot,
These tiny tyrants, creeping, had their Will!
Animal, thy daisy-petaled bonnet,
Hides not thy sin, nor stifles it this sonnet.
October 3, 2008
I'll add a link to the page HERE once it's up, but just keep checking here or at Cracked.com for details!
October 1, 2008
September 25, 2008
September 24, 2008
In the end, this can only mean more free Busted Tees in the future, folks. Get in on the ground floor now and check out the new digs!
September 14, 2008
As to contests newer and greater, we've whipped up a little something for the Current.com L'Oreal Paris ad competition, and we'd be oh so tickled if you'd vote it up in the rankings. There's a vaguely specified amount of money at stake (5k-60k, depending on many factors, most of which we hope lean towards the 60k end of the spectrum), and your vote can help put us in the running.
Embedded below, for you non-voting pantywaists.
September 11, 2008
August 31, 2008
The animals, I mean. Learn about the insidious animal threat over at Cracked via my new article, and then Digg it, for added safety.
August 30, 2008
August 26, 2008
I'm sorry. I--I don't know what I'm saying. We could never stay mad at you. Besides, it's perfectly understandable. We got beat, fair and square. The better video won, and that's all there is to it.
So...we cool? I mean, we're still going to the Radiohead show on Wednesday, right? 'Cause I totally bought you one of those ass cushions, on account of I know how sore your ass gets. Right baby?
August 20, 2008
August 18, 2008
So guess what? College Professor Abe Gruber, of the illustrious College and Surf Camp Hawai'i Pacific University, is going to be using Internet Party as part of a lecture on how college students utilize the Internet!
We tried to get him to use one of our many videos of us landing crotch first on the rim of our trampoline, as we felt these more accurately represented the creative Internet climate, but he politely declined after a particularly deliberate puff on his fine oaken pipe.
We started this site last year hoping to make our friends laugh, and now we're being taught to classes at HPU and, presumably, Harvard. Pretty cool.
August 7, 2008
August 4, 2008
July 30, 2008
July 29, 2008
Vote for IP in the comedy category between now and August 12 and you could help us win a thousand bucks! Just go to this page and check the box by our vid.
The catch: you have to register an account to vote. The un-catch: you can vote once a day, without creating a new account each day!
Sounds like a winning deal to me.
July 15, 2008
Why? Because long ago, in the misty years known as 1998-2006, I actually had time to write stuff other than sketches and comedy articles. Yes, believe it or not, this clown's got some tears to shed. And while the success of Muskets (thank you very much) has resulted in me not writing any straight fiction for about six months now, I do hope to get back to it someday.
In the meantime, and after collecting my fill of rejection letters from friendly magazine publishers, I've decided to put all my fiction stuff online at WeBook.
WeBook's the kind of place where you only get feedback if you give someone else feedback, and then it's usually just a copy and paste of whatever you wrote them. So, as ever, I turn to you, my trusted Musketeers.
Go. Peruse. There's a healthy dose of Sci-Fi in there, a bunch of shitty poetry, and even some straight fiction. Let me know what's up. Light up my WeBook profile. I want to see what you guys think, and hopefully when I go back to that stuff in a few months, I'll have had enough people shit on it that I'll have some ideas about revision.
Enjoy the read! Or don't. But either way, let me know.
July 8, 2008
And if you haven't seen Wall-E yet, you're dead to us.
July 2, 2008
On your wife, perhaps.
June 25, 2008
You can see the text on the Cracked Blog, in case my mic is too shitty for you.
June 24, 2008
June 18, 2008
We've already made it to the Finals, now all YOU have to do is vote for our video by visiting the Oreo Youtube channel, finding our video in the randomizer, and giving us a thumbs up! And hey, while you're on your way, give a thumbs down to the stinkers (read: every video that doesn't feature us). You can do it once a day per computer, so it's literally exactly the same deal as the Sketchies contest from a while back. Except this time it's Oreos; delicious Oreos. Yum.
We'll be nice and embed the video here too in case you just want to watch it and not vote to help us win the chance at reaching a whole new subscriber base. But...why wouldn't you?
June 17, 2008
June 5, 2008
June 3, 2008
But just you wait, you'll be sitting at work or in class and the soothing sound of Captain Picard's voice will lure you back. And only the catchy yet semi-repulsive spewings of two pasty-white twenty-somethings and their far more interesting dancers will be able to cure you of your ailment.
And that reminds me, I've heard a lot of talk about our "roots" recently, and frankly I am appalled. We are from the streets. Don't take these words lightly either, because they will be spoken from the heart, the most verbal of all organs.
In fact, before we decided on "Those Aren't Muskets," our sketch group was going to be called "Urban Street Vibe." So don't mess with us. We're really rough.
PS! I heard that the person who downloads the .mp3 the most gets a private teleportation to Prime Directive and Galaxy Class' space pleasure cruiser: "The Rhymnasium, A Serious Look at Rhyme and Space." Two weeks, all amenities paid (spa tub included).
So for your download and/or preferred audio previewing software, click (or indeed right click) here.
June 1, 2008
And lo and behold, no sooner do I start trawling the vasty nets than I reel in this little gem. Ladies and gentlemen, we are on the march. I don't know who these guys are, but they are clearly on a street of some kind, dressed as if they know what's groovy these days, and are by their own admission paying tribute to yours truly.
The lip sync may be off, it may only be nineteen seconds long, and I may not fully understand why they use two people to recreate a monologue while a third person watches, but by God I'll take it!
Because at the end of the day, these guys get me, in a way no one else ever has or ever will (Lara, you can find my engagement ring on the night table on what used to be my side of the bed).
ADDENDUM: Someone just left me a hideous death/rape threat on the Cracked blog, so I think that balances out this touching tribute. I'm officially just a regular guy again.
May 28, 2008
As to the partnership though, it basically means we get to put wicked graphics on our Youtube channel and our video pages and...dun dun DUN...we get actual, real money based on how many views the videos rack up. So if you've been putting off sending your friends that link to Sleeves or finally subscribing to our channel, there's never been a better time (for us, that is).
And remember: every click is money in our pockets, so you should probably code some sort of applet that just reloads our videos all day and night.
May 21, 2008
May 14, 2008
P.S. If by some miracle one of you Floridian lumps of dog crap is able to squeeze enough of the meaning of this post into your mealy, disease-ridden brain and plans some kind of cross-country travail to give me my cumuppeance, bring me an alligator.
May 7, 2008
May 5, 2008
Which is to say a bunch of Muskets!-approved and -involved folks are putting on the third iteration of an awesome sketch/improv comedy review here in San Diego at the Lyceum Theater this Thursday, Friday and Saturday at 8pm with a special show Friday at 11 (for the cool kids).
The team (most all of whom you'll recognize from being pants-shittingly hilarious in our vids) will present a selection of sketches, musical comedy, and improv guaranteed to rock your face out of this hemisphere.
This is the biggest show S.M.I.C. has put on so far, and at the coolest venue, so if you're in the San Diego area, definitely check it out. Tickets are only 5 dollars pre-sale and 10 at the door, available at the San Diego Rep box office (619) 544-1000. Make it happen!
I've embedded some of my favorite songs of his, but he's got a ton of varied songs (Irish ballads, slave songs, spirituals, folk) and is an incredible guitarist. If you like this stuff, be sure to check out his record label, Waterbug records. They've got a big stable of talented artists (right now I like Jonathan Byrd, Anais Mitchell and Michael Troy).
Enjoy some aural pleasure, ducklings.
Other favorites: Peach Song, Long Legged Lover, Recall, I Love You All the Time, Fred's Family, Farewell Butterfly.
April 30, 2008
April 28, 2008
Below, behold the glory of the First Place entry, straight from Kadaver's scanner to your eyeballs! Click the thumb for an even bigger example of why we (and the artist) are so incredibly awesome!
Congratulations friend, the intense power of your collage has earned you a free Busted Tee of your choice, and a lifetime subscription to the official TAM! Newsletter!
Also, you now have the inherent right to look down on the contest's runners-up; we suggest you exercise it. Here they are, so you know who you're better than.
And don't worry runners up, you're still better than everyone else who entered, and WAY better than the billions of people who didn't!
April 25, 2008
We've thrown up seven or so designs, but we plan to roll out new shirts, stickers, mugs, etc. with semi-regularity. And for those who have been emailing: the plain logo T is coming, as soon as we track down a hi-res copy of said logo.
In the meantime, is there a design you desperately want to have emblazoned on your chest? A favorite sketch or line you'd like to advertise to the world? Let us know!
Now go get Daddy's credit card and start buying!
April 21, 2008
And generous as we are, we thought why hog the cotton bounty when we can enrich the lives of our fans? Also, we already have two of the best shirt they offer (Pizza is the best). Naturally, we'll need something in return, which is why we've decided to announce the first ever MUSKETS ART CHALLENGE!
The rules are simple: send an image of a Muskets character, actor, or anything else TAM-related to our email inbox (email@example.com) by the end of this week and on Monday we'll post the winner's pic and order whatever busted tee they want on their behalf. If no one enters, we reserve the right to extend the contest indefinitely and/or claim the shirt ourselves. And then weep into it.
Entries will be judged on craftsmanship, composition, originality, and irreverence. But remember...have fun with it!
April 16, 2008
To all those who endured a steady stream of TAM!-spam: the downpour is over. And hey, at least it rhymes, right? That's cute.
To all those who genuinely enjoyed the sketch and didn't just vote because we asked you to: as the front page reiterates, we are working on an extended cut of Chops (including a steamy hot tub scene!) that should be up on the site in the coming weeks. If you're sufficiently recovered from his first onslaught, be sure to look for that.
That's all for now. We return to our regularly scheduled sketches, and bask in the warm glow of your unconditional love.
ADDENDUM: For the record, we officially got fourth place in the contest...not too shabby! We only lost out to Waverly Films (who are mega-huge and make videos for Fatboy Slim, Death Cab, and more), POYKPAC (also huge, at least on Youtube) and three hot teen girls singing about something or other.
April 14, 2008
Oh, and for those who live in the 21st Century, here's a link to the digitized article.
Addendum: Apparently, "Internet Party" was also in a newspaper in Cleveland, Ohio today. Don't ask me how I found that out.
April 10, 2008
April 1, 2008
So here's us giving back to you...
March 31, 2008
The plan was to buy a lot of expensive equipment, drive to the remote wilderness and eschew civility for a full 96 hours. As the pictures of us eating fifty dollars worth of pizza prove, we failed at least in the last regard. Turns out the whole mountain was iced over and we needed crampons to even enter the park.
Thus, we wandered from day hike to day hike, drove around town, and generally had a totally normal camping trip (with the exception of our invention of Bigfoot Bowling, destined to become the ultimate camping pastime, and gloriously featured in said photoset). Other highlights include me looking like a drug dealer from the 80's and Abe and I fistfighting.
Also, turns out while we were gone our daily traffic quadrupled and we got three vids on I Am Bored and two on Gorilla Mask. Guess we should leave town and stop working more often.
March 24, 2008
For the record, that's me and Lara on the left holding hands, and our gargantuan dogs soaring overhead.
I love you sweetheart.
March 23, 2008
Truly, God's gift to musical history.
To personally relive these mind-blowingly unforgettable times, feel free to download the track and upload it to your iPod, iPhone, or other i-prefixed device.
March 21, 2008
March 20, 2008
I promised myself I wouldn't blog about Eliot Spitzer after this video basically did the whole thing to perfection. But technically, this post is about ex-Governor of New Jersey Jim McGreevey, who decided that coming out of the closet and resigning last year wasn’t enough, and that it would be a good idea to wait twelve months and then publicly admit to bisexual threesomes with his aide.
Frankly, it’s the timing of the whole thing that makes me suspicious…one Northeastern Governor gets unseated thanks to a juicy sex scandal, then another does, then the first guy comes up with even more juicy elaborations on his sexcapades. Seems to me like someone’s missing the ol’ spotlight. Well, no worries Mr. McGreevey; I think after your little public dispute with Spitzer via press conference (embedded below for your viewing pleasure), you’re going right back on the front page.
When we started this thing 9 months ago, we never could have imagined that the comedy baby we were gestating would burst forth as a shot at forty thousand dollars. Nevertheless, here we are, a mere insurmountable number of votes away from winning the Youtube Sketchies II contest.
There are some extremely heavy hitters arrayed against us (Come on Waverly, you've already GOT production equipment!), and frankly we're kind of in an underdog situation, but if American cinema has taught us anything, it's that underdogs always win. Always.
We've got the heart, we've got the gumption, and we promise to make you the best fucking sketch we can. So a big thank you to all who voted for us in the semi's, and an apology in advance for the MASSIVE spamming you are going to receive during the Final voting period.
Seriously, for enough money to buy a new camera and fund our next twenty sketches, I will come to each of your houses every goddamned day and throw pebbles at your windows.
In related news: we don't usually do this sort of thing, but Youtube's 3 minute time limit meant we had to cut some supremely charming shit out of Hot Farts. Accordingly, we have now replaced it with a longer edit, so enjoy that on the main videos page or anywhere else Muskets! products are sold.
March 18, 2008
In all honesty, the guys over there were very cool and we appreciate the exposure, so hit them up.
In other news, the song we tried to post directly below this should be readable and downloadable now. It is, right? Someone please comment and tell us. More of those in the future, assuming we have in fact figured out how to post them.
March 13, 2008
For your listening pleasure, I have made available the LP's title track.
March 10, 2008
Digg this video here!
March 6, 2008
March 5, 2008
February 28, 2008
A lot of them seemed to be the efforts of users with more important quarry in mind, some persistently searching for answers to deep, penetrating questions only to find our site time and again. But most, as is to be expected, were looking for pornography. Welcome to the second installment of what I'm sure will become a family favorite for years to come. Let the search terms begin!
- William buchanan bathroom specialist
- some matrix shit
- are beanie babies coming back?
- Adolecence pornographi
- big titted chick in chuck and larry
- bird flu enthusiast
- cervix open os
- child molestation pedophile confessions
- cocaine and peter townshend
- colorful country aphorisms
- do t-rex fear death?
- Employee giving a blowjob to a customer in the bathroom
- erotic high school
- family dinner fuck
- french and their fucking crepes
- french farm configurations, historic
- furry pedophile
- handless disabled children
- you used to be a folk singer now you're just a joke singer
- john basedow shirtless
- leather allergies -derma
- land of leather allergies
- michael's crafts black leather straps
- mighty max, official pictures
- muskits vidos
- napolean baguette legend
- rusty trombone handjob movies
- real live granny gams
- splashed with whale urine
- squid farts
- swollen nipples co-worker shirt
- louis xiv versaille filthy odor
- where do you put the penis during sex
And for the finale, this sequence of search terms all entered on the same day, all leading the user fruitlessly to our page. Note the stunning logical progression:
- my muskets aren't working
- musket rentals
- musket plans
Hey, when you want something to work, you've gotta build it yourself. Godspeed, Internet person.
February 21, 2008
February 16, 2008
February 15, 2008
February 10, 2008
You might not know who I am, but I know you. Almost every weekend, with the exception of during Shark Week, I sit down to the inevitable all day marathon of you. While Jamie and Adam bust the real myths, the ones that require the most mathematical skill and construction experience, you dig in and battle in the crappy myth trenches.
Every week you check the Mythbusters email account, scouring the inbox for the perfect myth that will bring you into the big leagues of mythbusting. I see the truth behind your dyed bangs in your watery puppy-dog eyes. You know Jamie and Adam don’t have any plans to let you on for one of the A-team myths. As long as you are cooped up under those mustachioed madmen, you will forever be a Junior Mythbuster. While Adam and the stoically bereted Jamie calculate how many bullets they can pump into their latest concoction of human flesh-like gelatin, you, Asian Mytbuster, and Sk8er Boi Mythbuster fold paper airplanes and index what Coca-Cola can and cannot erode.
I am sure you were one of many out of work actresses/model building enthusiasts who tried out for this unappreciated role. Let’s face it, you were hired for your sex appeal, and I barely get to see you. I don’t pay for cable to see two balding techies bicker about Kelvin versus Celsius. Don’t let these semi-entertaining, math formula-wielding tyrants impede on your career anymore.
So this Valentines Day, I offer you the most romantic thing a boy like me could conjure up: social action. The writers’ strike may be over, but there are still some just causes to fight for. So join me, Kari Byron, the Hot Mythbuster. Hand in sexy hand we will prove that all Mythbusters are created equally and deserve equal airtime, especially if they are super hot.
The results of said balls now:
February 8, 2008
Anyway, read it here.
And, if you are so inclined, Digg it here.
February 6, 2008
At the request of our Northern cousins, we pre-recorded a short interview (below) about TAM! to be featured on their show Torrent. We also recorded a "throw" (even more below) that'll run occasionally during commercial breaks. How cool is that?
The sad part is we won't see the interview since we don't know anyone in Canada. If YOU are Canadian and feel like mailing or emailing us a tape of the show, we'd be in love with you. Just sayin'.
In the meantime, you can peep all that shit right nows without no TV or nuthin'. Enjoy!
February 3, 2008
January 29, 2008
January 22, 2008
January 16, 2008
Another interesting thing is that (according to a guy in London who emailed me, so take it with a grain of salt), a brief clip of my video was shown on English news as part of a story about the whole "Tom Cruise is Nutzo" general melange. So, that's cool.
Not cool is that within two hours, my video had been yanked at the request of the Church of Scientology. I reposted it at FoD, which is why you can watch it now (unless it was taken down again, in which case you can't). So enjoy it while it lasts!
In order to aid your viewing pleasure, I'll tell you that the general premise of the vid is that in the real interview (which Tom gave when he won a Scientology award four years ago), they use a lot of jump cuts. So I decided to imagine what would happen if the cameras had kept rolling. The result of that now:
January 10, 2008
January 9, 2008
January 2, 2008
So here it is: the sketch we made up, from scratch, on the spot, in about twenty minutes. Enjoy!
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- Jack Thompson Discovers a "Deadly" Threat to Our C...
- Muskets Fanart Contest Winners!
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- I Don't Hate Judd Apatow
- Thanks to You, Chops' Long Journey is Nearly at an...
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- Mitch Gavelneck Rides Again
- O Conductor of our Hearts, O Brian of our Kellys
- We Trend Upwards in More Ways Than One
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- Lord Bellingham Returns
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- 8 Movie Adaptations That Must Be Stopped
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- More Fun With Search Terms!
- My GPS is Haunted by an Old Black Jazz Musician
- The Writers' Strike is Over. Boooooo!
- Mike on McSweeney's!
- A Valentines Day Love-Letter
- Making the Offensive Moreso
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- G4 Has Good Taste
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