November 23, 2007

The 7 Least Faithful Comic-to-Film Adaptations

Behold, the CRACKED article it took me two weeks of tedious Wikipedia research to complete! Decompress from Thanksgiving with a thoroughly nerdy dissection of 7 films and the major deviations they took from their source material. NOTE: Slightly funnier than it sounds.

November 21, 2007

Worst Case Scenario: T-Rex Edition

The overwhelming response to my recent post on the CRACKED blog regarding the Nigersaurus, "cow of the Mesozoic," made it painfully clear to me how ill-equipped the average human is to survive a dinosaur attack. There was talk of shooting Japanese gowns with BB-guns, a children's television show starring a lizard, and other nonsense that would be equally useless should a T-Rex drop in and fuck up your shit.

And because I care so much about my readership, I've scoured the net for the answer to the question mankind has been asking itself since the first caveman rubbed two stones together and was instantly devoured by a wandering Tyrannosaur: How the hell do you kill one?!

Below, three scenarios you may not find so unlikely…when they happen to YOU.

Feasible T-Rex Death Scenario 1

You’re minding your own business, tagging a herd of African elephants for an ecological conservation program, when out of nowhere a prize Tyrannosaurus Rex bursts from the herd and makes straight for you. All you have on you is a pocket knife, a mylar bag of tagging equipment, and a Barret M82A3 loaded up with depleted uranium or tungsten-cored rounds.

Your best bet: Cut a small strip of mylar from the bag with the knife, and use it as a makeshift blindfold on the Rex. Tyrannosaurus Rex’s follow their prey by sensing movement, and if they are unable to see you, they will wander off, bored.

More Than Plausible T-Rex Death Scenario 2

You and the family are out enjoying a day at the beach, when out of nowhere a Great White Shark leaps from the waves towards your precocious son Max who has been playing at the shoreline. Just before it swallows the tyke whole, an aquatic T-Rex snaps it out of the air like so much appetizer, then aims for the main course: you.

Your best bet: A Tyrannosaurus skull is as think as a phalanx infantryman’s shield, so you’re not going to be able to tackle this thing head on. As it charges, roll to the side, simultaneously pulling your umbrella out of the sand. Hurl it, javelin-like, at the spot just behind the right shoulder. This will down the Rex instantly.

Almost a Certainty T-Rex Death Scenario 3

The drug deal has gone south. Guillermo opens fire with his AK and bullets are flying everywhere. Oh, did I forget to mention? Guillermo is a fucking T-REX.

Your best bet: One word. Helicopter.

If you fear other types of T-Rex encounter, feel free to post a brief description below. Myself or a member of the community will be happy to let you know how to best protect yourself against nature's walking abattoir.

November 20, 2007

We Didn't Die

I know many of you must be wondering where the hell we've gone. Why have we left you, mirthless, cowering, shivering in a dark corner and whimpering for fear we may never return? Short answer is we went out to get some smokes. But that's all over now, so fear no longer!

As the two posts below this one elucidate, TAM! members have been up to their respective balls (eyeballs, that is) in live performances and the like. But that's all over now (huge successes all around, thank you very much) and we're finally back to doing what we do best: generating free content in the hopes that someone will send us a drunken fan email.

On the TAM! horizon, we've got a newly retooled sketch going up this week, and then we start work on our largest, flashiest, most ambitious sketch to date. We're really excited about it, so be on the lookout.

Consider the drought over, people. Can I get a Ho-sannah?

November 9, 2007

More TAM-Related Shows Than Are Healthy

Now that you're all coming to my hilarious play (details one post below this one), I thought I'd also plug the fact that Abers, Ricketts and myself (see Bio page for irrelevant and made up facts about all three of us) will be appearing in our 201 Graduation show at the UCB Theatre in Hollywood on Sunday the 18th at 3pm.

It's a free, long-form improv comedy show that is the culmination of 16 weeks of rigorous training. If you'd like to see what TAM! folks are like when they have to be funny right now, this is your chance.

Long form improv, in case you're not familiar, is just like Whose Line is it Anyway except with no games or points or Drew Carrey and more characters and narratives. It's basically a thirty-minute sketch show, generated on the spot based on a single audience suggestion. Yay!

Directions to the event. Just search for "Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre Los Angeles." Then input your home address. Then copy down the directions the site gives you. So, yes, I did nothing.

Hope to see some of you there!

November 5, 2007

Olympus, Inc.

So in case you haven't picked up the subtle product placement in the last four TAM! sketches, I have a play going up very soon called Olympus, inc. I wrote it, directed it, and am in it (I'm a regular Zach Braff!), and it's going to be showing for free at UC San Diego, as part of the Theatre and Dance Department's Cabaret season. It's kind of like a cross between the Hudsucker Proxy, The Office, News Radio and Greek Mythology, so if you're into any of those things, know that this is way better. Like, times a thousand.

The show is FREE so if you're in the San Diego area and enjoy TAM! stuff, I want to see you there. Feel free to introduce yourself to me after the show as an anonymous internet person. If I run away, jsut run after me until I slow down.

Here's a map to the place, once you're on campus.

Here's showtimes:

8PM and 11PM on Friday, November 16th.
2PM and 8PM on Saturday, November 17th.

There will also be an invited dress rehearsal at 7PM on Thursday, November 15th, but there's no telling how much that will suck.

Above, please find a poster with a cast list and the information I just gave you repeated for no reason. You can click it if you want to see a bigger version.


November 3, 2007

Today UCSD, Tomorrow UCSB!

If you happen to be a UCSD student or on campus, or for some bizarre reason subscribe to the campus newspaper The Guardian, check out the nifty interview with us in the Focus section of Monday's issue.

Admittedly, if you read this blog we're probably not doing much good publicity-wise by directing you to an article telling you to come to this site, but at least you'll get to see pictures of us making asses of ourselves. More pictures, I mean. And hell, if you're a true fan, maybe pass the issue along to a close friend or stranger on the subway. Yes, the San Diego subway.

The word-of-mouth phenomenon starts now!
2009 Those Aren't Muskets!