George Carlin.

Man, Carlin and Vonnegut in one year. It seems my idols are dropping like flies. Well, just a good reminder to go back and examine their life's works yet again. In the meantime, here's a little thing I did in honor of George. Hope you like it.

You can see the text on the Cracked Blog, in case my mic is too shitty for you.

Adam West vs. Batman

It's the ultimate psychological showdown between a man and the fictional character that has dominated his life. Watch as Mayor Adam West denounces his own alter-ego, all for your twisted amusement. Read! And would it make you feel better if I asked you to BatDigg it?

Help Muskets Sell Out!

Many of you will probably be shocked and enraged to learn that the Muskets! do NOT in fact receive subsidies from the government for their wonderful work. Thanks, George. So, like so many before us, we've been forced to sell ad space on our bodies to the highest bidder. But, while we were doing that, we also entered a contest for Oreo cookies that might get us featured on the Youtube Home Page!

We've already made it to the Finals, now all YOU have to do is vote for our video by visiting the Oreo Youtube channel, finding our video in the randomizer, and giving us a thumbs up! And hey, while you're on your way, give a thumbs down to the stinkers (read: every video that doesn't feature us). You can do it once a day per computer, so it's literally exactly the same deal as the Sketchies contest from a while back. Except this time it's Oreos; delicious Oreos. Yum.

We'll be nice and embed the video here too in case you just want to watch it and not vote to help us win the chance at reaching a whole new subscriber base. But...why wouldn't you?

They Still Make Archie Comics?

Remember that comic cross-over "Archie Meets the Punisher?" Remember how stupid it was? This is stupid too! To register your agreement, Digg here.

Apologies to Batton Lash. Best name ever.

The Ultimate Bong Rip

From the end of Forbidden Kingdom. As it turns out, the whole thing was an anti-drug treatise. Who knew?

Space Tunes Ready For Some Serious Beaming (read: Downloading)

Yeah, now you'll probably say that you won't need this. That it's extra weight on your already porn/tax form-ridden hard drive.

But just you wait, you'll be sitting at work or in class and the soothing sound of Captain Picard's voice will lure you back. And only the catchy yet semi-repulsive spewings of two pasty-white twenty-somethings and their far more interesting dancers will be able to cure you of your ailment.

And that reminds me, I've heard a lot of talk about our "roots" recently, and frankly I am appalled. We are from the streets. Don't take these words lightly either, because they will be spoken from the heart, the most verbal of all organs.

In fact, before we decided on "Those Aren't Muskets," our sketch group was going to be called "Urban Street Vibe." So don't mess with us. We're really rough.

PS! I heard that the person who downloads the .mp3 the most gets a private teleportation to Prime Directive and Galaxy Class' space pleasure cruiser: "The Rhymnasium, A Serious Look at Rhyme and Space." Two weeks, all amenities paid (spa tub included).

So for your download and/or preferred audio previewing software, click (or indeed right click) here.

Ice In Space? Do Go On

My latest Cracked article, on the many ways in which I am inherently superior to the Phoenix Mars Lander, is available for both viewing and Digging, although not both simultaneously. In science news that's actually cool, here's a video of magnetic fields made visible.

They Even Spelled My Name Right

We've had a lot going on lately. Becoming Youtube partners. Gearing up for the move to L.A. Abe dying. So I thought it would be a fantastic opportunity to get my feet back on the ground...you know, see what the kids on the street are saying.

And lo and behold, no sooner do I start trawling the vasty nets than I reel in this little gem. Ladies and gentlemen, we are on the march. I don't know who these guys are, but they are clearly on a street of some kind, dressed as if they know what's groovy these days, and are by their own admission paying tribute to yours truly.

mike swaim tribute



The lip sync may be off, it may only be nineteen seconds long, and I may not fully understand why they use two people to recreate a monologue while a third person watches, but by God I'll take it!

Because at the end of the day, these guys get me, in a way no one else ever has or ever will (Lara, you can find my engagement ring on the night table on what used to be my side of the bed).

ADDENDUM: Someone just left me a hideous death/rape threat on the Cracked blog, so I think that balances out this touching tribute. I'm officially just a regular guy again.