Eight Things Not to Tell Your Son When He Asks What You and Mommy Were Just Doing in the Other Room

1. “Fighting. Well, in a manner of speaking. It’s more like our genitals were fighting.”
2. “Discussing sex taxes. I mean taxes.”
3. “Head on in and ask your mother; I think she’s still wiping up.”
4. “Something you’ll now imagine thirty times a day for the rest of your life.”
5. “Poundin’ that poon like it owed me money! Am I right?!” Then go for the high-five.
6. “Do you know what a Cowgirl is? Like that, but reversed.”
7. “It’s kind of a delicate process there tiger. How should I explain this? You see, when mommy and daddy get certain feelings…you know what? I’ll just show you.”
8. “Making you about ten million little brothers and sisters. Only they’re all dead now.”