More Fun With Search Terms!

Lately things have been pretty good around here. We've got some awesome sketches in production, some secret projects underway, and traffic has picked up nicely. And of course with increased traffic comes an even greater wealth of ridiculous search terms used to find the site!

A lot of them seemed to be the efforts of users with more important quarry in mind, some persistently searching for answers to deep, penetrating questions only to find our site time and again. But most, as is to be expected, were looking for pornography. Welcome to the second installment of what I'm sure will become a family favorite for years to come. Let the search terms begin!

• William buchanan bathroom specialist

• some matrix shit

• are beanie babies coming back?

• Adolecence pornographi

• big titted chick in chuck and larry

• bird flu enthusiast

• cervix open os

• child molestation pedophile confessions

• cocaine and peter townshend

• colorful country aphorisms

• do t-rex fear death?

• Employee giving a blowjob to a customer in the bathroom

• erotic high school

• family dinner fuck

• french and their fucking crepes

• french farm configurations, historic

• furry pedophile

• handless disabled children

• you used to be a folk singer now you're just a joke singer

• john basedow shirtless

• leather allergies -derma

• land of leather allergies

• michael's crafts black leather straps

• mighty max, official pictures

• muskits vidos

• napolean baguette legend

• rusty trombone handjob movies

• real live granny gams

• splashed with whale urine

• squid farts

• swollen nipples co-worker shirt

• louis xiv versaille filthy odor

• where do you put the penis during sex

And for the finale, this sequence of search terms all entered on the same day, all leading the user fruitlessly to our page. Note the stunning logical progression:

• my muskets aren't working

• musket rentals

• musket plans

Hey, when you want something to work, you've gotta build it yourself. Godspeed, Internet person.

My GPS is Haunted by an Old Black Jazz Musician

When I drive around, I like to be told what to do by myriad celebrities. Imagine my rapture when I learned that this dream could finally become reality! Below, my first trip out with "Voice Skins." Rock.

The Writers' Strike is Over. Boooooo!

And like that, we lost all chance of landing stellar Hollywood careers right out of the gate by scabbing ferociously. Oh well, I guess we'll have to get discovered the old fashioned way: blowing David Geffen. In the meantime, here's a vid I made about the whole WGA strike dealy and a speech some union guy gave about it. Enjoy!

Mike on McSweeney's!

I am officially indier than you. After numerous attempts, I've finally gotten a piece of my writing up at known hipster enclave McSweeney's Internet Tendency. Check it out on the front page today, and the archives forever and ever until the universe implodes.

A Valentines Day Love-Letter

Dear Hot Lady Mythbuster,

You might not know who I am, but I know you. Almost every weekend, with the exception of during Shark Week, I sit down to the inevitable all day marathon of you. While Jamie and Adam bust the real myths, the ones that require the most mathematical skill and construction experience, you dig in and battle in the crappy myth trenches.

Every week you check the Mythbusters email account, scouring the inbox for the perfect myth that will bring you into the big leagues of mythbusting. I see the truth behind your dyed bangs in your watery puppy-dog eyes. You know Jamie and Adam don’t have any plans to let you on for one of the A-team myths. As long as you are cooped up under those mustachioed madmen, you will forever be a Junior Mythbuster. While Adam and the stoically bereted Jamie calculate how many bullets they can pump into their latest concoction of human flesh-like gelatin, you, Asian Mytbuster, and Sk8er Boi Mythbuster fold paper airplanes and index what Coca-Cola can and cannot erode.

I am sure you were one of many out of work actresses/model building enthusiasts who tried out for this unappreciated role. Let’s face it, you were hired for your sex appeal, and I barely get to see you. I don’t pay for cable to see two balding techies bicker about Kelvin versus Celsius. Don’t let these semi-entertaining, math formula-wielding tyrants impede on your career anymore.

So this Valentines Day, I offer you the most romantic thing a boy like me could conjure up: social action. The writers’ strike may be over, but there are still some just causes to fight for. So join me, Kari Byron, the Hot Mythbuster. Hand in sexy hand we will prove that all Mythbusters are created equally and deserve equal airtime, especially if they are super hot.

Love,
Brett Rader

Making the Offensive Moreso

Here are a few little redubs of those borderline-racist Sales Genie ads that aired during this year's Super Bowl. It turns out the company made them offensive on purpose, reasoning that there's no such thing as bad publicity. Then why not have some balls about it, I say?!

The results of said balls now:

10 Words and Phrases You Won't Believe Shakespeare Invented

To be fair, he didn't really INVENT them, he's just the first author credited with using them. I had a whole long explanation saying that at the beginning of the article, but it got cut. Apparently my editors didn't think an etymology lecture was FUNNY ENOUGH to keep in the final article. As Steve Martin would say, WHAT THE FUCK?!

Anyway, read it here.

And, if you are so inclined, Digg it here.

G4 Canada Has Excellent Taste as Well

Our storming of all things G4 continues!

At the request of our Northern cousins, we pre-recorded a short interview (below) about TAM! to be featured on their show Torrent. We also recorded a "throw" (even more below) that'll run occasionally during commercial breaks. How cool is that?

The sad part is we won't see the interview since we don't know anyone in Canada. If YOU are Canadian and feel like mailing or emailing us a tape of the show, we'd be in love with you. Just sayin'.

In the meantime, you can peep all that shit right nows without no TV or nuthin'. Enjoy!

G4 Has Good Taste

Check out TAM!'s first-ever TV appearance on G4's Attack of the Show. For the record, we were actually NUMBER 2 in the countdown, but the host lady misspoke. Still, we're leagues away from the number one pick, Pruane2. Truly, one of the greatest minds in modern comedy.