Agents Of Cracked Wins Streamy!

Thanks to your tireless voting, re-voting, and un-anti-voting, Agents of Cracked bagged the Audience Choice award at this years' Streamy Awards! Thanks guys! You can check out Mike's terrible speech at the Streamys below (featuring the Sklar Brothers!).



And here are slightly better speeches from Dan and Mike at Streamys II, a meet-n-greet held later for the winners (we're right at the end):



And last but not least, the spot we made to convince you to spend ten dollars on a show that's hosted free online. The nerve!

Cracked TV 2.0: Does Not Compute!

If you're following the narrative of our careers solely through this blog, you may not know that Mike's long-running talk show Cracked TV recently got a reboot as Does Not Compute, a biweekly video column about whatever's currently causing him the most computational consternation. Hint: it's usually a Youtube clip.

In case you missed it, here are the final two episodes of Cracked TV, as well as the first three of Does Not Compute, to get you through the transition. Consider yourself officially caught up, and feel free to check out new episodes of DNC right here or at Cracked every other week.

Did I Mention The Site Was Down?

Computers. Right?

As you may have noticed, emailed us about, asked about us on the street, or carved into your pets, the Those Aren't Muskets! site has been "down" for some time now. I'd say exactly how much time, but the hackers got into my watch too and now it just screeches continuously.

But like the mythical phoenix, we have risen from the ashes of defeat in a blaze of pure, golden glory and several reposted videos. Those are below, and they represent some stuff you may have missed if you were just sitting on our warning page waiting for the site to get fixed.

A big thank you to all of the fans who let us know the site was down. It's nice to know so many, many people observed our technical incompetence unfold in real time. And a HUGE thank you to Kevin Clark, the man whose technical competence got this old boat back on the water. He is a true friend to us, the site, comedy, and some of the kinder animals. He's also awesome at programs.



So we'll skip the awkward hug and just say it's nice to be back. Stay tuned here and over at Cracked for the freshest Muskets!, and keep reading this very blog for some major announcements.

THE SAUSAGE:

S.W.A.I.M., Episode 29 (Deleted Scenes)

Two bits I had to cut from the (originally ten minute) episode airing Monday on Cracked.

S.W.A.I.M., Episode 28

Featuring about three seconds from my ACTUAL wedding! Watch, and learn why you should never want to have anything to do with me in real life.

Interview With Mike @ The Huffington Post

Thanks to Greg Boose of HuffPo who put together a fabulous write-up on myself and the troupe. There's a few actual points in there, but don't worry, I put in plenty of filler bullshit too. Because if I'm about anything, it's QUANTITY OF VERBIAGE.

See? Huffington Post Interview! I'm worth making a Wikipedia page for now, right? Right?!

S.W.A.I.M., Episode 27

Wherein I mock people with incredible (but useless) talents, because making comedy videos on the Internet is so much more practical and important.

S.W.A.I.M., Episode 26

If you are feeling queasy, watching this video should prove helpful and therapeutic.

8 Great Foods for Explaining Why The Terrorists Hate Us -- powered by Cracked.com

The Decade In Retrospect

A full year ahead of schedule, my the Cracked writing staff (myself included) have put together a decade-end retrospective. We wanted to do it early because there's a good chance we're all going to leave the site and become slow-boat captains this year (if I have anything to say about it, anyway).

S.W.A.I.M., Episode 25

Just in time for the holidays, it's...something to scar your children! Cheaper than presents, and at least as harrowing.

S.W.A.I.M., Episode 24

The first new Cracked TV since, like, forever is here, and it's designed to remind you why you were glad it was gone! Cervix ahoy!

Precious Meets Gollum

And it doesn't end well. At least in the sense that getting impregnated by a vampire isn't "ending well."

Agents of Cracked Soundtrack (Pt. 2)

Here it is. The intro to the series. The wonderfully rhythmic and deliciously tonal concoction created by Tom O'Brien, brother of Dan, the most lady-like man I have ever known.

Point is, we all love the intro theme and hope you do too. We couldn't have asked for a better composer, and his work is downloadable as of now:

Right click here to download the AoC theme.

Enjoy. We sure do.

AoC: A Retrospective

Agents of Cracked has come to an end, and we'd like to thank everyone who worked on the project and all the lovely people who watched and enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun, and we hope to make a second season sometime in 2010. There's also going to be a DVD coming out...more on that later. In the meantime, stay tuned for our next thing and check out any episodes you missed (with witty commentary!) with this handy Cracked episode guide. If you want to keep nerding out on AoC, head over to this page to download some Agents of Cracked desktops or go right here to download the song from "Mystery of the Ladies' Room."

Agents of Cracked Soundtrack (Pt. 1)

By popular demand, the first one you may download is the montage track during "The Mystery of the Ladies Room," in it is some other sound design that was originally intended, though taken out for the sake of the dialogue in the episode.

All music, as always, made by me. I'll be in my music cage if anyone needs me.

And right click for download.

This Is Odd

I always hoped I'd end up on Perez Hilton, but more for my outrageous cocaine hot tub than a multinational advertising campaign.

Oh No, I Died!

Regular viewers of Cracked TV may have noticed that in episode 23, I featured a joke about a Youtube tribute commemorating my own passing. Well, some regular viewers did, because they went ahead and joined in my morbid speculation. Please enjoy these touching Youtube tributes to me and practice laughing at my death. Trust me, it's a skill that will come in handy.

Used Tampons, Anal Sex, And Dying In Space

Well, we're about two months into my tenure as resident "Funny Guy" over at Guyspeak, the blog where I've been interfacing almost continuously with members of the fairer sex. I've written a poem about used tampons, explored the romantic possibilities of dying in space, answered questions about curved penises and anal sex, and defined the word "Fappable." Come join the perversion!

You can check out all of my illuminating relationship advice, catch up on the blogs, or even ask a question of your own on the front page. But be warned: my advice almost always involves eating a boar's heart (for the power).

Agents of Cracked Is Go

The series kicked off about eight hours ago with this here pilot. You can follow the events as they unfold in episodic fashion at the official AoC mini-site on Cracked.com. We're releasing an episode a day, so keep your seatbelts fastened to your buttholes, because shit is about to fly. WHAT?!

Agents of Cracked Trailer

The online premiere of our brand new web series is just around the corner, but paving the way like some kind of whacked-out demonic helldozer here's Agents of Cracked: The Trailer.

Watch. More words would only cheapen this experience for you.